Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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