Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
