Will you blow on my dice?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
