Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
