3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
