don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
