are you so shy because you have an std?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
