I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
