Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
