I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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