you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
