now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
