It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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