At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
