I haven't been this sober since birth.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
