i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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