Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
