My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
