dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
