You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
3 2 1 whiskey
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
