I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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