I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
