I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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