I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
