Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
