You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
