She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
