I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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