whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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