I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
