wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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