its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
