Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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