I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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