whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize