There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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