you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
