I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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