do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
