Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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