i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
