If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
