Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
