we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
