I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So squirting runs in the family.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
