piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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