do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
