True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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