She is in my trunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
