So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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