I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
