i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
