im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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