from now on my penis is your penis
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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