and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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