with your own penis?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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