i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
