I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
