We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
