you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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