Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My ass is underappreciated
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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