Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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