we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
