Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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