Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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