I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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